tonight I'm grilling some burgers so this is literally impossible for me to fuck up
tonight I'm grilling some burgers so this is literally impossible for me to fuck up
Creutzfeldt-Jakob outbreak traced to local BBQ party, more after the break
2 dead, 12 injured after horrific fire in peaceful suburban neighborhood.
THE GREATEST POSTER
Originally Posted by Hratli Smirks
[SIGPIC]MarivaudersMumGoatse.JPEG[/SIGPIC]
the burgers are 0wnin' oh ye of little faythe
mittaningrad, unbowed
CEO Update & Standing Orders: Vengeance for VFK
Crushing victories in the face of 'superior' forces only occur so often in life as well as EVE; this is one of those moments where an underdog, scorned by the public at large, spits in the face of his bullies and then proceeds to smash their balls into a poorly-defined and horrifying paste of seeping biology. They came to us smug, pinned false labels upon us ("New NC"), then made the fatal mistake of actually believing their own propaganda. The NC turns tail and sells its friends down the river for capital - as we saw with the collapse of Mostly Harmless. The Clusterfuck rage-logins and then goes on the prowl, demanding vengeance.
We will not sit idly in VFK congratulating ourselves; we are exploding outward to ensure that no trace of those who attacked us remains anywhere near our home. Tonight that meant a 100+ capital fleet helicopter-dicking Fade. Tomorrow we continue. There's killing work to be done - regions to purge, bullies to humiliate, and a galaxy to remind of our capacity for cruelty - since apparently there's a few people left in EVE who've forgotten why you don't piss off goons.
The Rapecages Remain
I had considered just letting Pandemic Legion's supers out of VFK. I don't want to guard them endlessly and I have no plans to conquer Venal when there's Fade and Pure Blind to deal with. Yet the problem with the fat and uneducated is that the combination of volatile blood sugar and blinkered ignorance makes them difficult to predict; while I can cut a deal with Shamis, Elise or Shadoo and expect some gravitas to attach to such an agreement, they might not be making the call. Like an overexcited American Idol contestant, Billy spent literally years of his life dreaming of this moment - then, when he got up there in the spotlight, he utterly blew his chance. He might not be ready to see that it's over.
RAPECAGES:
6-17
6-20
6-22
After reading this post, log into "Eve Online, A Bad Game" and get a bookmark for each of these cages on your combat characters in VFK.
What This Means For You (DO THIS, NOW):
1. Idle in VFK at a tower or gate in an Alphafleet ship. Hictors and Dictors are also extra-beloved.
2. Be logged into jabber and watch for broadcasts about breakout attempts
3. Volunteer to help scout; we have a scout on each Rapecage as well as one in each hostile formup system. No scouts, no cages.
Conquering While Camping
While we camp VFK, our capfleet is busy rage-reinforcing the wretched constructions of Ev0ke and PL which have littered Fade and Pure Blind. As long as we continue to have a tight composition and we collectively keep on our game, we can have our rapecages and our conquest, too. We will not rest until Pure Blind and Fade have been secured.
Shinies for our Allies
When your capital comes under threat of a headshot, the truth of who ones friends are becomes starkly evident. Goonswarm had no truer friend in its time of need than Tactical Narcotics Team, who we once joked had won the game of 'pet survivor' in Deklein. TNT topped the charts of participation, putting more than a hundred pilots in our fleets nonstop and reaching the single highest participation percentage of any Clusterfuck alliance. In reward for their service and loyalty, I have instructed GSOL to grant them six more technetium moons out of our existing supply, bringing them from 3 to 9.
Fatal Ascension began as one of the smaller members of the Clusterfuck; Zagdul and his boys have brought forth almost as much as Wibla and TNT, just a tenth of a percent behind TNT in #2. Their reward is an entire sovereign region, Fade, and they will remain close to our political and geographic orbit. FA had scattered territory and only a smattering of moons; all of Fade is theirs, including 8 tech and various other resources. Bordering their space in Fade is the Assilot constellation in Cloud Ring, where their friends Black Mark - who likewise showed up in VFK to defend our home - will now reside.
It should come as no surprise that TEST sent us tremendous numbers. Having Fountain as their domain, there's little I can offer them except more tech moons in the coming conquest, which I'm sure Montolio will put to good use.
GENTS had a difficult time in the battle of VFK. Half of their membership was busy abandoning their space in Delve to move into Deklein to defend us; despite this, the logistic support provided by Lake in helping with the scout system, plus Tradik running our fleets in the critical AU TZ means that they deserve a significant reward. To GENTS I give XZH and the surrounding constellation, the jewel of Cloud Ring, a constellation Goonswarm has gone to war for - often unsuccessfully - more than five times over the course of its history.
The Fate of Pure Blind
The essence of intelligence is learning form your own mistakes; the essence of wisdom is learning from the mistakes of other people. We have watched the NC weaken itself by allowing the porous and dangerous region of Pure Blind - shackled with two segments of NPC space and no worthwhile trusec - fall repeatedly into the hands of its foes, defended by a skeleton crew of cast-offs and 'pets', watched over by a wretched zombie alliance, Mostly Harmless. Yet every time the NC came under serious assault, its foes based out of Pure Blind.
We will not be so lax. Of its original sovholders, only LAWN, FCON and SMA remain. They will continue to stay where they are, but Goonswarm will be taking over the interstitial sections of the region (and EC-) and ensuring that the instability of that region does not spread to Deklein. This will be where much of our work in the next few weeks will be, as there are many Nazi towers present that must be dealt with.
LAWN and FCON will finally be given rights to their local territory; LAWN will expand from one tech moon to six, and FCON will receive the four tech and six neos - rights denied them in their own space by the NC. SMA will be restored to its pocket and its moons. I do this primarily out of the kindness of my heart; the statistics of the Battle of VFK showed barely 1% attendance from the Pure Blind holders. Having been notified of my displeasure we have already seen better attendance; those who show up in the right ships at the right time will be showered with love and riches (like TNT and FA); those who do not show up will meet the same fate as OWN and BCA. We are not the NC - fight and die with us or get the fuck out.
And Now, A Word from Raidendot
Volunteer for the GIA: Contact Endie and Tamir Lenk. Your sacred work brings us our forum porn.What the fuck are we doing?? So far this campaign (if u can call it that) has been exactly what we didnt want it to be, Fail-Hacs and structure shooting.
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i find myself getting home from work and logging on WoW as it has moe to do in it at the moment, especially for my time zone.
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if we could get a hint if anything is actually gonna happen it would be nice
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Personally i think this whole campaign is a waste of time, did we really wanna go back on campaign so soon?
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I for one am sick of logging in for 8 hours and either no one logs in or the ppl that are on dont wanna roam at all
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why are we not running fleets, instead we tag along these other fail attempts from other corps running gangs like its 2004...I for one would like to fly in gangs where we dont have to tell everyone what the fuck to do all the damn time.
Congratulations, Assholes
We did it. Bask for a moment. Go on, you deserve it. It's going to be an ugly few weeks, even if Ev0ke and Raiden and NCdot are all busy attacking in directions opposite us - but we fucking did it.
[twitter]themittani[/twitter]
But, Mr. Mittens, Sir, you're not sending in waves of Goons to harass the residents of Cobalt Edge?
Please Sir, may we have some moar?
[COLOR=blue]"But I don't want to go among mad people," Alice remarked.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=green]"Oh, you can't help that," said the Cat: "we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad." [/COLOR]
[COLOR=blue]"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=green]"You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
[/COLOR]
Hey fuck you, buddy! Why don't the residents of Cobalt Edge make the boring trip to us for a change?
Hey fuck you, buddy! Why don't the residents of Cobalt Edge make the boring trip to us for a change?
Because BlackOps makes their trip take three hours
Nice update, good to see you guys not neglecting your allies (a change for this part of the map!).
Had to look up interstitial.
Good choice of fonts for titles.
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Surprise Sex is the Best Way to Wake Up. Unless You're in Prison...
Distributing the territory and moon wealth this way could pay great dividends and at least won't let thing atrophy like they did for so long in PB. Good to see everyone actually have a home constellation or two now and they have the rights to them as well!?
+rep ;)
wait you mean it's a good thing to spread tech out to allies instead of letting Vuk rmt it all? madness.
Can I have some to RMT?
Since Mittens finally admitted he had feelings for me, I am gonna repost my prediction for this war.
PL says they are Lions. Then Mittens must transform himself to Lion killer.
Mittens will take care of Manny like he has done time and time again when a enemy threatens Goondor.
Hmmm I feel a Mittens fanfic coming to me.
VFK local just turned into a dick-swinging competition. The victor: Ish Bosheth (I forgot his main but whatever) recounting some morale speech. If his main posts here, he shall receive +rep for a week.
Twitter: @WidotVenetianT - RIP Vile Rat.
The goonfleet dot com forums are rather dull right now. I have only myself to blame.
I feel like Mittens is taking this king of space thing a little too seriously. Next thing you know, he'll be handing out noble patents and demanding that his FCs and directors dress up like a bunch of rejects from the set of Excalibur.
I, for one, am going to the Madison goon meet strictly to ensure that I am space-knighted.
It is pretty fucking funny: "to this vassal I bequeath the region of...". That said, however, they are just as hilarious in defeat as in victory; well, most of them anyway (100 days!). I'm not even involved in the war at all, yet goon propaganda entertains me and makes me want to log in. If it wasn't for them this game would be full of BOBs, MMs, and TRIs, and that would be an awful gd game.
How do you know he's not already having us do this? Medals were even handed out.
Does this mean that goons are going to start following Space Chivalry in order to counter e-bushido?
edit: Has Mr. Vee been created Viscount Mr. Vee of VFK yet?
I have aspirations to become a landed knight but I'm not very confident it'll happen
I am a knight of weed, hero of the 420, warrior of the marijuana.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Mittens: Playing EVE like it is Crusader Kings up in dis bitch.
Next up I'm sure he'll discover that one of his vassals is in a strange mood and needs a workshop and some impossible to fucking find materials.
Mittans need to cosplay next time he gets flown out to Iceland
+rep ;)
I'm going to the Madison meetup as an emissary of the House of B0rt, from the neighboring lands of TEST.
You realize that ritual beatings are part of this annual tradition, right?
The update reads like something out of Lords of the Realm. (man, I miss that game btw)
All these gains have been solidly earned by participants. Good to see GSF take care of it's allies.
I've noticed that there's a pretty big disconnect between the general consensus of kugu and what's actually happening. It seems enough people have said it in this thread that people are taking it as fact.
Also, LAWN going from 1 tech to 6?! Petyr, let me know when you're having the Quafe and Blow party.
I've noticed that there's a pretty big disconnect between the general consensus of kugu and what's actually happening. It seems enough people have said it in this thread that people are taking it as fact.
are you three alts or something?
I actually tried this. I asked for armor hacs, a few logi (as in the biblical few = 8) and a smattering of Hictors. I was surprised when fleet suddenly filled up with about 40 pilots but slowly it became clear we would never make it out of E-BYOS. Ten drakes showed up. While I was explaining what "Armor" and "Hac" meant about a dozen pilots left fleet because they thought it was a home defense. Omens started to pile into the rendevous tower and that started a whole new level of "What the fuck guys?" and then all four of my Logi pilots quit because it wasn't an "offical" op and they wouldn't get reimbursed [S]if[/S] when they lost thier ships.Hey fuck you, buddy! Why don't the residents of Cobalt Edge make the boring trip to us for a change?
It really is a lot easier if you guys come down here.
It's not the getting there that takes three hours. Its insuring that every one has the same type of bomb. (Let alone the hour long disscussion on why it doesn't matter if you get a bonus with bomb type B we all have bomb type A, don't fuck it up.)
You're going to unhinge him if you call attention to the multiple personalities.
[COLOR=blue]"But I don't want to go among mad people," Alice remarked.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=green]"Oh, you can't help that," said the Cat: "we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad." [/COLOR]
[COLOR=blue]"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=green]"You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
[/COLOR]
An Abaddon was found with a Thorax in its throat. These omens can mean naught but ill for the House of B0rt.
Shitposters beyond the Thunderdome have been active in greater numbers this season than ever before.
Worst of all, there are rumors of RAWR walkers. Though these beasts have slept for millennia, we mere peons fear that they will rise up and call forth their undead minions anew.
Also we are fresh out of dick jokes.
So is really well-written DBRB/Mittens slashfic.
The Mattani placed his strong yet well manicured hands on the broad thick shoulders of The Big Red Boat. Their closeness confirmed by the fuzzy facial facade of majesty growing on Mittens' proud chin lightly scruffing the nape of of the Boat's neck.
[COLOR=blue]"But I don't want to go among mad people," Alice remarked.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=green]"Oh, you can't help that," said the Cat: "we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad." [/COLOR]
[COLOR=blue]"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=green]"You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
[/COLOR]
Champion of the bong
That's like claiming Rosie O'Donnel ran out of butter and tp.
Please don't ever do that again.
Very true, even when I was red to ze Goons I still loved the politics and drama they kept bringing.
You can't have the drama and politics without the slashfic
[COLOR=blue]"But I don't want to go among mad people," Alice remarked.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=green]"Oh, you can't help that," said the Cat: "we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad." [/COLOR]
[COLOR=blue]"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=green]"You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
[/COLOR]
tbh, the whelp last night was IRC's fault, can we go dickpunch them for a few days?
I now realise why IRC never lost space. It's not because no one can remove them, but IRC are literally the abused wife of EVE. If they didn't exist there would be no one around to beat on to make yourself feel better.
Gicer.
If you have an important point to make, don't try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time - a tremendous whack.
I miss old Providence.
Mittens allows them to keep 6 out of the 17 that are in LAWN-controlled systems.
Not everybody was in the mood of partying after those news. Same for SMA who feel they are basically only allowed to retake whats theirs, or GENTS who got a constellation so worthless it will hardly be worth paying for Sov, afzer giving up their home in Delve.
Mind you i'm not saying they are right, because when you help shit, you get shit is Mittens message.
Lawn 'ate' WTF's sov with a holding corp when WTF fled to be RA pets sometime in the last two weeks; I don't consider this abrupt acquisition actual LAWN space. But that's a fair assessment of my message, barring the comment about GENTS. XZH is extremely significant to us.
[twitter]themittani[/twitter]
I would like to invite you all to hang out with me in pinecone.
Honestly Prip, It's like you are not even trying anymore
Gicer.
If you have an important point to make, don't try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time - a tremendous whack.
You sound tense prippa, go wack the barbie on and I'l bring you some of my ancestors.
We can party like its 1941
[SIGPIC]MarivaudersMumGoatse.JPEG[/SIGPIC]
Is it even possible to genuinely suggest that any of these terrible pets have been mistreated? Any other major power who inherited them would have them up against the wall as we speak and their moons already funneled into some increasingly-AFK, hack director's pockets. The old NC would have left them of course, but kept all the moons, treated them with contempt, packed another 3 shitty alliances into their space, left them to rot away, and then complain when they proceeded to do exactly that.
They've been treated surprisingly well. However, I do suspect that there are some longer term plans to become more directly involved in their development as alliances or to stealthily subsume them into the Greater Goondom, either directly or into one of the better existing pets.
I think that you should stop calling corporations pets; they're people too!
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