I'm a maverick poster who gets results but I've been pushed too far
Since I last did an update, a long-lasting and incestuous institution, filed with corruption, backstabbing and with incompetent leaders whose ups and downs were closely followed by Goons everywhere, has come to an abrupt and sudden halt, surrounded by uncertainty and doubt. But enough about Game of Thrones. What about that dead NC, eh?
Proviso: I am not a director any more, an unhappy victim of the love triangles, white-knighting and political correctness of Illuminati 2011. However, I do love to never stop posting, and since literally 80% of the GIA intel sources on our neighbours and 90% on the rest of Eve currently come from Bat Country (via sneaky fuckers Gicer, Psykzz and Midge in particular) I still have access to a bit of info, so here is my unauthorised and unfunny update.
In what is possibly the most dreary ever update to Eve Online - and let's not forget that it's up against some pretty stiff competition there - CCP servers went down for hours yesterday in order to allow you to warp to where a jump bridge used to be, get ganked and promptly find yourself back in the station walking in tight circles around a tiny, claustrophobic cupboard which you know would, in real life, quickly smell of arse. A bit like Wales, then. Especially since, like Cardiff, there is no functional toilet to be seen so you'll have to shit into your holographic dominix instead. Two thumbs up for the boys from Iceland!
Wildly Inappropriate to merge. More to follow?
Look, there are still over two thousand people in Wildly Inappropriate: just how hard can it be to find a couple of hundred who are vaguely tolerable? I would suggest following the Biblical example of Gideon and whittling down radically through a series of tests. First, grep their forums and boot anyone who ever used the word "m8". Next, remove anyone who was ever in an alliance the entire stated point of which was killing Goonswarm (don't worry Amok: it's not a retrospective rule!). Finally, ask them each for a 300 million ISK secruity deposit, which will sort out the hopelessly gullible and finger-countingly stupid while also funding us to hire PL to kill someone - anyone - who is not us. If anyone passes all three tests without soiling themselves in confusion, they're in.
The New North
The Old North was a morass of blues and non-invasion pacts that spanned two entire sides of the map and was run by remote and corrupt autocrats who embezzled technetium while hiding behind an invincible wall of supercapitals and broken game mechanics. The New North, of course, is totally different. Completely. I mean, OK, so maybe they're a little blue
to their their neighbours: but no more than a few tens of thousands, mark you. And yes, I grant you, they settle disputes over who gets which director gets which tech moon through cosy chats and orders from Psyhozz rather than fights, while checking up with White Noise that they are allowed to do so. But they do it in a very, very
elite peeveepeeing fashion, and that makes all the difference.
Someone like Raiden living in the new north, for example, is completely
at liberty to invade anyone they like. Anyone
: the world is very much their oyster. Tiny caveat - hardly worth mentioning this in fact: just so long as the target aren't in Tribute. Oh... or Branch. Tribute or Branch, then. Well, obviously Tenal and Vale are right out, as is Geminate. And it would be silly to invade Kalavela, Malpais, Perrigen Falls, Oasa, Etherium Reach, Outer Passage or The Spire. Nor Insmother, Scalding Pass, Wicked Creek, Immensea, Cache, Providence or Detorid: that's crazy talk. But the rest of Eve - and lets not forget that that leaves literally several
0.0 regions and virtually all of Empire - is their playground.
Oh God that just leaves us, doesn't it?
It's not so long since we were in their exact situation. In good faith, we tried to persuade the NC to time for US timezones, to rationalise around a single fleet doctrine and so on. Our failure to do so (as can be seen from the razor log leaks that Solo made searchable our attempts at liaison in fact usually managed to do little more than put various preening and e-important peoples' backs up) has been a blessing in a very flimsy disguise, since we no longer have to travel all the way to the drone regions just to get a fight. Boat, Halosponge and others have run several cockfagging ops recently so if you are just logging in for strategic ops, for POS shots and to watch as poorly-configured Mostly Harmless tech moons are gathered hungrily into the Teutonic maw of Ev0ke then you are missing out.
Oh Fuck Are We Going To Die?
If enough people come for us then we will lose our space. That is no different from any other time in Eve. In Delve we lived perfectly happily with neutrals in one direction and the best part of a dozen regions full of hostiles in the other without responding to every reinforced moon with a combination of evacuation and whimpering paranoia, and there is no reason why that shouldn't be the case again.
So will a big enough coalition come for us? Well, while doing the GIA thing, barely a day went past without being PMed by someone whose best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw Ev0ke given Deklein at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it's pretty serious. All I can promise is that we will not last in Deklein until the servers go dark: Eve is supposed to be about conflict. And there aren't a huge number of regions left that the new north are allowed to fight. But we have a pretty dominant subcap fleet, a uniquely strong US Timezone and, in Vee and Vily, two of the best FCs in the game, so unless a massive coalition of supercapitals all decide that they want nothing to fight before Fountain then we'll have to try pretty hard to throw this one away. Which we probably will. Some of Pure Blind are probably pretty fucked, though.
One of the reasons that Eve is actually pretty fun right now is that everything is in flux. However, that makes for a deliciously confusing Eve map, so here is a quick tour of the rest of Eve, packed as it is with the non-Puregoon refuse and floatsam of the game.
In Fountain, Montolio, who plays the role of the relentlessly ADD friend who is always first to suggest that we punch a bouncer or steal a car from our aunt or something, got bored pretty quickly at not running a horrible alliance and is increasingly involved in the affairs of Test once more. I know that he has various antics in mind and unless someone gets very serious about attacking their assets and forces Test into serious business mode then I'd tip Test for some vintage retardation over the next month or so.
Delve - and to a lesser extent Querious - is a mess, and quite deliberately so on the part of the occupants. You have twelve sov holders in Delve alone, many of them neutral to most of the rest, along with various interlopers like Delvegoons. Regional powers like Test and Nulli Secunda have resisted the temptation to expand there, while Morsus Mihi and other northern refugees are merrily blueing up all and sundry in order to ensure that they feel at home: "Never knowingly outnumbered" being their constant motto. It's a fragile balance of power and will, sadly, never last, but for now it is enjoyably chaotic and unpredictable.
In the far South, things are quiet. Almost too
quiet... When everything started to go south (so to speak) for the NC, Stainwagon wisely cut back on provocative acts like, oh, taking White Noise space in the south and killing their baby supercaps. They got as far as Tenerifis and Omist but, having gutted huge swathes of CSAAs and taken tracts of space, they stopped at Detorid, which remains in the hands of people like Raiden and White Noise. There is a huge amount of bad blood between the eastern Russians and the southern Russians (not that any group of Russians is overflowing with the milk of human kindness for any other group of Russians in Eve) so it would be pretty unsurprising to see PL hired to go south at some point in the nearish future in order to redress the balance in the south. That probably depends to an extent on how that offer compares with milking tech moons or being paid to hit us or our neighbours: PL, like everyone else, needs money, given that just moving
their supercap fleet around the map can cost billions. Their Fountain reserves can only last so long, and Outbreak and Hydra taking the Alliance Tournament means that that traditional source of income didn't happen.
Providence - NCDot decided that owning a swathe of the technetium bonanza which is the north made keeping Providence a teensy bit redundant. They therefore cut a deal with CVA to perform a handover, while allowing their CSAAs to finish their builds. Blah blah Amarr Victor who really gives a shit?
Goons are fuelled by hatred and this update is perhaps a little chill, so let me therefore remind you that Raiden are coffee-coloured, communist dungfuckers who will gladly chop up your little sister to celebrate the start of Ramadan given half a chance.