Comedy Killmails

**Securitas** · 2011-05-11

http://concordiat.killmail.org/?a=ki...kll_id=9635608

:BTLS:

**Comrade Comrade** · 2011-05-13

Not a killmail but related: It's a mail I got from someone today.

Hello XXXXXXX XXXXXXX,

I was traveling through your systems after running an escalation. A neutral popped into system, and I lost my Noctis with a value of 106million. The reason why I was popped was because of your bubbles. As a blue to a blue, I would like to have my ship replaced, with just the fitttings, and hull, no loot. I think this would be a fair deal.

Sincerely,
XXXXX
XXXXXXXX For Life

Apparently he gets ripped off really hard on noctis.

**Carlton Banks** · 2011-05-13

I hope this is not fake:

http://eve-kill.net/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=9628298

**Internet Spaceships** · 2011-05-14

http://eve-kill.net/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=9687791

**Shadowski** · 2011-05-14

http://gents.eve-kill.net/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=9691370

Nulli bombers are pro

**Securitas** · 2011-05-15

Originally Posted by Shadowski

http://gents.eve-kill.net/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=9691370

Nulli bombers are pro

Not horrible. Certainly not good, but not horrible.

(Nulli bombers are pretty pro though, given what they did to that GENTS fleet the other day.

)

**Kharna** · 2011-05-15

I know its TEST but still

http://killboard.nullisecunda.com/?a...l&kll_id=26277

**Securitas** · 2011-05-15

http://concordiat.killmail.org/?a=ki...kll_id=9695964

What would you do without AAA citizens? Medium shield boosted, warp core stabbed, armor tanked afterburner mixed-gun harby.

blackstone · 2011-05-15

http://eve-kill.net/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=9694707

10MN Afterburner II: checked!
Medium Guns: checked!
Double tank: checked!

Tempest is the best Cruiser in the game ...

**Forlorn Wongraven** · 2011-05-15

http://eve-kill.net/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=9701028

**Phineas Freak** · 2011-05-16

Originally Posted by Forlorn Wongraven

http://eve-kill.net/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=9701028

those crazy irish
no pot o' gold at the end of this rainbow.
securitas, your avatar. seriously. the girls at work here don't look at me the same way anymore.
i shall turn my screen towards the wall now. not that it would help.

**Mr Coloredshirt** · 2011-05-16

Not sure if it's been linked before but cripes. Is this why the NC doesn't have more supers than they do?
http://www.eve-razor.com/killboard/?...&kll_id=398363

**FireZeMissiles** · 2011-05-17

EVEKILL Y U NO WORK

**Internet Spaceships** · 2011-05-17

I don't always haul Nyx and capital component BPCs, but when I do, I prefer it be in a T1 hauler:

http://chaostheoryalliance.com/?a=ki...l&kll_id=18991

Edit - A little writeup I did for our alliance forums:

Fellow spacefarers,

It was a lonely EVE Tuesday morning for yours truly. Having just hauled up my plethora of faction loot from 39p-, I was temporarily trapped in Jita for the next few hours, whilst I waited for my high value items to find a buyer. With such free time on my hands, I must admit my thoughts drifted to more nefarious deeds. You see dear reader, my sec status was dangerously climbing towards 5.0, a reality that I was not willing to face.

With my task at hand I dutifully purchased a Tempest class battleship, and promptly fit the vessel for maximum gank. It was beautiful, my very first Minmatar high sec boat of destruction. I undocked, and proceeded to idle 40km from the Jita 4-4 ejection point. I was ready.

I scanned a new ship about every 20 seconds, and for the first 30 minutes I found no targets worth going GCC for. Around the 45 minute mark I found a Buzzard with a Nightmare BPC in his cargohold, alas my reflexes were too slow, and he warped before my mighty steed could volley a salvo in his direction. More time passes. I spot a Heron with Pith X-Type loot in his cargohold, yet once again my ominous vessel could not squeeze a shot off before the hostile, ignorant of how close he came to death, warped away.

With nearly an hour spent with nothing to show for my efforts, I decided to take a brief break, and to return closer to downtime. I stepped outside and savored the morning air, a sweet relief from the recycled oxygen of my bedroom. After some time had passed, I decided it was time to give my sec status one more chance to fall from its heights.

With 20 minutes left before downtime, Jita had slowed down extensively. Fewer ships came in and out; less targets presented themselves before my artillery cannons. But hark! With less than five minutes before the onset of downtime, a lonely Badger undocked. Upon inspecting the career of the commanding pilot, it was revealed to me that this was not a space combatant, but simply an NPC corp member, aimlessly lost in the midst of Jita. I questioned myself, "Is this ship really worth scanning down? Do I really need to see another disappointingly empty cargohold?" My senses regained control and I returned to the mindset of the pirate.

The next moments were simply a blur my brethren. I locked his ship and anxiously waited for the scan result to come back. When the list appeared before my eyes, they immediately locked onto 7 rows bearing the name "Capital Construction...". I knew this would be my only chance, my last attempt at redemption before downtime struck. In an instant my cannons erupted in a thunderous symphony. Six Republic Fleet EMP L warheads came bursting from their containers, which were perilously aimed at my target. The salvo struck the Badger class space vessel, and instantly destroyed it. I had done it.

CONCORD immediately came to the rescue of the now hopeless capsuleer, quickly shredding my ship into pieces. As I erupted, my pod shot off into the distance, fleeing the scene of my crime. While in warp, thoughts raced through my mind. "Was my Tempest's sacrifice worth it? Did I get a killmail worthy of bragging about?" Upon docking up I queried my combat log, and quickly submitted my deed to our alliance's killboard.

Ladies and gentlemen, I do believe this will go down as one of my most memorable killmails:

http://chaostheoryalliance.com/?a=ki...l&kll_id=18991

Until next time,
kbrdhero

**Choulab** · 2011-05-17

http://killboard.notfound.fr/?a=kill...l&kll_id=11447
Solo pvp fitt

**dopplerganger** · 2011-05-17

Originally Posted by Choulab

http://killboard.notfound.fr/?a=kill...l&kll_id=11447
Solo pvp fitt

And the number of would be gankers he surprised and killed with that thing clearly put that fit into comedy killmails...

**Choulab** · 2011-05-17

He had lost 2 rni before, and made 3 kills with these, so yes.

**Aokisensei** · 2011-05-17

http://kb.romanian-legion.com/?a=kil...l&kll_id=21429
http://kb.romanian-legion.com/?a=kil...l&kll_id=21415

There are no words.

**Don Peyote** · 2011-05-18

Originally Posted by Internet Spaceships

I don't always haul Nyx and capital component BPCs, but when I do, I prefer it be in a T1 hauler:

http://chaostheoryalliance.com/?a=ki...l&kll_id=18991

Edit - A little writeup I did for our alliance forums:

Fellow spacefarers,

It was a lonely EVE Tuesday morning for yours truly. Having just hauled up my plethora of faction loot from 39p-, I was temporarily trapped in Jita for the next few hours, whilst I waited for my high value items to find a buyer. With such free time on my hands, I must admit my thoughts drifted to more nefarious deeds. You see dear reader, my sec status was dangerously climbing towards 5.0, a reality that I was not willing to face.

With my task at hand I dutifully purchased a Tempest class battleship, and promptly fit the vessel for maximum gank. It was beautiful, my very first Minmatar high sec boat of destruction. I undocked, and proceeded to idle 40km from the Jita 4-4 ejection point. I was ready.

I scanned a new ship about every 20 seconds, and for the first 30 minutes I found no targets worth going GCC for. Around the 45 minute mark I found a Buzzard with a Nightmare BPC in his cargohold, alas my reflexes were too slow, and he warped before my mighty steed could volley a salvo in his direction. More time passes. I spot a Heron with Pith X-Type loot in his cargohold, yet once again my ominous vessel could not squeeze a shot off before the hostile, ignorant of how close he came to death, warped away.

With nearly an hour spent with nothing to show for my efforts, I decided to take a brief break, and to return closer to downtime. I stepped outside and savored the morning air, a sweet relief from the recycled oxygen of my bedroom. After some time had passed, I decided it was time to give my sec status one more chance to fall from its heights.

With 20 minutes left before downtime, Jita had slowed down extensively. Fewer ships came in and out; less targets presented themselves before my artillery cannons. But hark! With less than five minutes before the onset of downtime, a lonely Badger undocked. Upon inspecting the career of the commanding pilot, it was revealed to me that this was not a space combatant, but simply an NPC corp member, aimlessly lost in the midst of Jita. I questioned myself, "Is this ship really worth scanning down? Do I really need to see another disappointingly empty cargohold?" My senses regained control and I returned to the mindset of the pirate.

The next moments were simply a blur my brethren. I locked his ship and anxiously waited for the scan result to come back. When the list appeared before my eyes, they immediately locked onto 7 rows bearing the name "Capital Construction...". I knew this would be my only chance, my last attempt at redemption before downtime struck. In an instant my cannons erupted in a thunderous symphony. Six Republic Fleet EMP L warheads came bursting from their containers, which were perilously aimed at my target. The salvo struck the Badger class space vessel, and instantly destroyed it. I had done it.

CONCORD immediately came to the rescue of the now hopeless capsuleer, quickly shredding my ship into pieces. As I erupted, my pod shot off into the distance, fleeing the scene of my crime. While in warp, thoughts raced through my mind. "Was my Tempest's sacrifice worth it? Did I get a killmail worthy of bragging about?" Upon docking up I queried my combat log, and quickly submitted my deed to our alliance's killboard.

Ladies and gentlemen, I do believe this will go down as one of my most memorable killmails:

http://chaostheoryalliance.com/?a=ki...l&kll_id=18991

Until next time,
kbrdhero

You should rename yourself killboardhero for boosting your efficiency that much

**Securitas** · 2011-05-18

http://hrr.eve-kill.net/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=9689448

Dear god, Morsus Mihi. This is what happens when you give the A-Team Tech.

**Carlton Banks** · 2011-05-18

What's so hilarious about that Loki besides the EANM I and (I guess) the artillery, Securitas?

**Securitas** · 2011-05-18

Originally Posted by Carlton Banks

What's so hilarious about that Loki besides the EANM I and (I guess) the artillery, Securitas?

Shield rigs(it's dual tanked), a gun damage rig, terrible armor tank, no buffer, using it in combat while fitting it for bonuses (and in a covert gang at that.) Any small fitting error is magnified a hundred times when you put it on a ship worth 500m, and there are numerous fitting errors here.

**JohnHoe** · 2011-05-18

Just as some people started thinking goons might actually be good at this game a hero emerges to remind us all of who we really are.

http://eve-kill.net/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=9719002

**Don Peyote** · 2011-05-18

Originally Posted by JohnHoe

Just as some people started thinking goons might actually be good at this game a hero emerges to remind us all of who we really are.

http://eve-kill.net/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=9719002

It's not quite goon enough, needs more inertia stabs

blackstone · 2011-05-18

http://killboard.notfound.fr/?a=kill...l&kll_id=11532

Magnetic Field Stabilizers are better than Heat Sinks ...

**Dunarad** · 2011-05-19

Behold the cargo expanded/warp-stabbed/faction fitted hauling raven!

http://killboard.notfound.fr/?a=kill...l&kll_id=11550

**Checkbox Poll** · 2011-05-19

http://kb.pleaseignore.com/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=124872

love the gyrostab

**teacup** · 2011-05-19

Originally Posted by Carlton Banks

I hope this is not fake:

http://eve-kill.net/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=9628298

Lol my fav also and he did that in bdv. But I still don't see a situation where its ok to put salvager on a carrier.

But this is even more funny from the same corp trojan trolls.

http://eve-kill.net/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=9711310

Per the alliance rule if I remember correctly this guy should be kicked out, flying a JF during a war dec against the orphanage in fxxking JITA of all places, their mecca. But I doubt they follow their own rules.

but both equally funny

**Dangrad** · 2011-05-20

carl bates is supposedly a good pvper, but seriously wtf is this ? http://eve-kill.net/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=9724294

**Malcanis** · 2011-05-20

http://init.eve-kill.net/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=9736386

Never thought I'd see one of these in the wild

Fainaru Wada · 2011-05-20

http://inf1dels.com/narwhals/killboa...il&kll_id=2391

Shield boosting arti rev

**Ooohyoutouchmytralala** · 2011-05-20

Originally Posted by Malcanis

http://init.eve-kill.net/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=9736386

Never thought I'd see one of these in the wild

Its the jagged alliance, possibly one of the shittiest nullsec entities in the game. Go over their killboard, they produce 3 or 4 failmails a week.

**Securitas** · 2011-05-21

Originally Posted by Malcanis

http://init.eve-kill.net/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=9736386

Never thought I'd see one of these in the wild

Looks like Pulse Fiction finally got t2 guns for his Mach, eh?

**Derek** · 2011-05-21

Originally Posted by Fainaru Wada

http://inf1dels.com/narwhals/killboa...il&kll_id=2391

Shield boosting arti rev

Well, it maybe kinda makes sense if you look at it the right way and maybe squint your eyes a bit.

Looking up the wormhole's stats on dotlan it's a C5 pulsar with -34% armor resists (and +85% shield capacity FWIW), so it might actually be more viable to shield tank it, and a -41% to cap recharge, so it's possible that you wouldn't get it anywhere close to cap stable with lasers firing.

Still a huge WTF, though...

edit: Makes a lot less sense again, seeing how he's apparently able to at least sit (let's not talk about the lack of capital missiles) in Naglfars, though... http://eve-kill.net/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=9659911

**cloaky** · 2011-05-21

http://kb.redoverlord.com/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=144795

**Malcanis** · 2011-05-21

Originally Posted by Securitas

Looks like Pulse Fiction finally got t2 guns for his Mach, eh?

He's had 'em for a while I think.

**Arkady Sadik** · 2011-05-22

Not sure when I last saw a kill mail here where the comedy factor was not the pain-inducing horrible fit, so ...

http://www.eve-kill.net/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=9751885

[spoiler=Don't get it?]The Exequror is combat-fit, sitting in a belt waiting for ore thieves who think it's a miner. The Mammoth is combat-fit, stealing from miners hoping they think it's a hauler and engage. Perfect combination. :-D[/spoiler]

**Kranse** · 2011-05-22

I'll see your mining cruiser kill and one-up you: http://kb.pleaseignore.com/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=126615

**BiggerDangDude** · 2011-05-23

http://kb.pleaseignore.com/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=126968

**Malcanis** · 2011-05-23

Originally Posted by BiggerDangDude

http://kb.pleaseignore.com/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=126968

Looks staged to me.

**Makia Velli** · 2011-05-25

I don´t know if this should have been in combat report archives or here but it made me laugh out loud so i think this is a proper place.

http://hrr.eve-kill.net/?a=kill_related&kll_id=9771313

Battlebadgers FTW <3 i think both parties had fun.

Impromptu party was held at the roadside after long and hard fight.
[SPOILER=Not safe for mental health] [/SPOILER]