Above Top Secret: Goons are the "Chocolat" of EVE

[Permanente]

For those of you who have seen Chocolat, this reference probably is one you picked up quickly. For those who have not, I have some explaining to do. Chocolat takes place in a pseudo-french town, where everyone speaks english but in an allegedly "French" accent. The result is a movie about a town of americans who share a speech impediment. You can see where the similarities begin between goons and the film begin. This isn't the half of it though. You may find out that Chocolat is actually a very well received movie, with high ratings. But there is an explanation: all of the people that give it high ratings and support are tasteless baby boomers. I'll let these logs speak for themselves, from yesterday

<the mittani>as you know
<the mittani>something awful supports the 9/11 attacks
<the mittani>and this means every goon does, goonwaffe does and GSF support them as well
<lieberman-SA>alright, so?
<khartoom>we know
<the mittani>well our first order of business is the discussion of resetting TEST, which has been going down the pipes for some time now.
<the mittani>90% of their corps are terrible, way below our standards, but the other 10% of useful corps, including the one with assets, we plan to get transferred to us
<lieberman-SA>you said the same thing when PL tried to counter-troll us

It doesn't stop there though. GSF's Above Top Secret channels are protected with basically threats of death.

<lieberman-SA>it's up to you, whatever
<the mitanni>shut the fuck up you fat piece of shit
<the mitanni>I could ruin your life within a minute, I have a legion of elite trolls at my command
<the mitanni>goons are the most feared trolls
<lieberman-SA> you know you can trust me, don't joke about that
<the mitanni>you've only had access for three weeks now, you are still under scrutiny
<khartoom>"GET OUT"
<khartoom>if you see this, then you GET OUT
<the mitanni>GET OUT

Who are the real overlords of Goons

Goons have a repeated reference to "our benefactors" in their above top secret logs

<khartoom>I started goonfleet as my wallet farm corp
<khartoom> before our benefactors had bigger plans
<the mittani>:\
<the mittani> that isn't info you want people to know
<the mittani> anyway, it was discovered that lieberman is a fan of jack johson
<the mittani> the mortal enemy of disturbed, which is the official band of goons
<the mittani> he was removed.
<khartoom>trolled hard.
<the mittani> there is a reason I have a trollface avatar on the forums

[Kitty Vintner]

So it turns out Permanente was Teredrum all along?

[Razzor]

Crack really fucks with your brain.

[poaw]

It would help your narrative a bit if you told everyone where the logs came from and possibly a bit about how you came across them.

[Carlton Banks]

<the mitanni>

[sevar]

It's Above Top Secret. No one shall know what's being discussed. Doh.

[Internet Spaceships]

Somewhere there's a fire waiting for you and your post to die inside of it.

[lolard]

<the mittani>90% of their corps are terrible, way below our standards, but the other 10% of useful corps, including the one with assets, we plan to get transferred to us

Obviously fake, none of our corps are useful and our assets are limited to a few poorly fit drakes.

[Fix Lag]

Eagerly awaiting conspiracy-theorist explanation of these seemingly nonsensical logs. Also posting to confirm TEST does not, in fact, have any good corps whatsoever and therefore mittens is incorrect.

[Permanente]

Eagerly awaiting conspiracy-theorist explanation of these seemingly nonsensical logs. Also posting to confirm TEST does not, in fact, have any good corps whatsoever and therefore mittens is incorrect.

there are whispers throughout different ranks of goonswarm about a corp or group called "umbrella" being the shadow government of GSF

[Hombre]

permanente are you by chance a ron paul voter

[Doink9731]

Sales of tinfoil hats have never been higher.

[BrutorWarrior]

Confirming that Teredrum is the "umbrella," ruling GSF from the shadows

[Fix Lag]

Confirming that Teredrum is the "umbrella," ruling GSF from the shadows

Son of a bitch. I knew it.

No I didn't.

[Tyrael]

I can confirm those logs are real.

TEST's only solution is to preemptively reset Gewns, plz pm your local PL rep

[Mr Coloredshirt]

Permanente, your opinions and displays of mindboggling knowledge have me in awe. I wish to subscribe to your rss feed.

[HeliconOne]

what the fuck is going on itt

[Seebee]

It's well known amongst people in the know that GSF is a front for the Mittani's RMT retirement fund.

[BrutorWarrior]

It's well known amongst people in the know that GSF is a front for the Vuk's RMT retirement fund.

FYP

[Fkin]

there are whispers throughout different ranks of goonswarm about a corp or group called "umbrella" being the shadow government of GSF

We have been trying for decades to cure neckbeardism and obesity, but instead Umbrella corp unleashed a horrific virus that bloats goons even further and makes them complete drooling idiots. Patient zero of this horrible plauge is known as Da big red boat.

[Naegl]

The most damning evidence. Straight from goonfleets mythical founder khartoom.

<khartoom>I started goonfleet as my wallet farm corp

[Jinli mei]

please find a comfortable disease and crawl in bed with it tia

been waiting to use that quip for awhile

edit: I say this because I was actually looking forward to test getting reset, the end result being that rimc would join condi instead of dreddit and everyone else would be royally fucked

[Stahlregen]

It's often hard to tell whether or not Goonswarm is on the right and true path but then every once in a while a thread like this comes along and dispels all doubt.


edit; can someone run the chocolat analogy pass me one more time, i'm still a bit confused.

[Venetian Tar]

Oh Goons I love you

[tgr]

So it turns out Permanente was Teredrum all along?

This makes everything make so much sense.

[Kettle]

edit; can someone run the chocolat analogy pass me one more time, i'm still a bit confused.

There's generally a high calorie intake in the movie or something.

[Endie]

I dug too deep and found this out. I leaked it to Permanente. This is the real reason why I am not a director any longer.

[true]

So I see test isn't fun for GSF anymore (not implying it was)

P.S. inb4 some info bomb by mittens on it's way to kugu, or maybe a horrible wall of silence or will it be "NO U!"

[MtA]

I think I got it, teredrum got so bashed for his horrible english that he hardwired a dictionary and a thesaurus to his head, the resulting Frankenstein-worthy creature is now known as:

Permanente.

[Pripyat]

Well at least he's original with what he's doing. Also gassed.

[RansomList]

People are dumb