Phineas Freak

Disturbing News reached our southern outposts behind the minefields somewhat 20 minutes ago:

The Enlightened Leader of SolarLegionOfredNoise is dead, presumably suffering a heart attack after returning from a shopping trip to Shanghai in a Technetium plated train while looking at the Eve Influence map. Some sources say this happened over 2 months ago, but thanks to an opressive regime and censorship no News of this crucial event managed to cross the borders...until now.



The Minions are griefing, and sticking to their traditions there may soon be gunfire to be heard - but only after the ceremony and strictly to announce the coming of a new enlightened leadership. Some misguided shells may land in immensea or catch, but no worries, it's only a ritual.

The 13 remaining citizens of catch and immensea already started fortifying their bunkers nevertheless in what is known as "french warfare preparations". Another recurring meme will be the "offer" to their neighbours of an exchange of goods to secure "friendship" with the enlightened leadership, be it common goods, industrial fibers or a freighter full of goats.
So far only some strangely spiritual Providence citizens have prematurely announced their serious concern, and send a purifier filled with heart warming scriptures on its way to the poor unguided inhabitants of the north.

In other News, the capitalist forces of the western penisphere took the initiative and branched out into territory previously harvested by the enlightened leader himself. Despite the fact that most of their warriors are glued to their chairs they seem to move with exceptional speed, taking the freezing and hungry defenders by storm.

Whether there is a plan on how to feed the now empoverished masses they just captured remains to be seen. At least the price of small Antimatter Ammunition has gone up in Jita by 24 percent, and i leave it to our experts to comment on that.
Back to the studio!